I want to blog about running again soon. I'm still running, but it's hard. If I seem quiet to some, it's because I'm trying to be really self-focused right now. All I can do is focus on me and what I can do and not what everyone else is doing, running-wise. I hope it doesn't sound too selfish; it's my fault and nobody else's, but it's the only thing that remotely gets rid of the mental struggle. I'm not happy with where I am and I don't know when I'll be better, and all I can do is run and accept my running ability for what it is right now.
I've actually considered running without a watch or Garmin and just plotting out a distance, but I don't know that I can do that without making myself crazy. Plus, pacing is important to be aware of.
The good news is that the only time I feel any sort of pain of the injury variety is occasionally during or immediately after a run. Nothing else triggers it anymore; not a long walk, not even spending a day in cheap flip-flops (although I really do try to avoid doing that now.) I'm allowed to keep doing what I'm doing so long as there's no lingering pain. My left hip has been seriously tight, though, despite lots of efforts to stretch and relax it. I want to blame the bike ride, and truthfully, that probably didn't help, but I was noticing it while running last week. The PT finally made casts for orthotics, so hopefully when I get those, they will help correct the imbalances that are causing me to hurt.
When I can make myself quit worrying about pace, I find that I enjoy running more and I'm finding that zen feeling again. I'm considering making one run a speedwork day to see if that does me any good. I also might wait until I have the orthotics.
I haven't mentioned it yet, but we're moving next week - buying our first house. So I've accepted that I can't go crazy with the workouts right now because I need plenty of energy for packing.
My mental state will be explored more later, when I've got more time and energy for it.