....and I'm still not running yet. At all. Heck, a too-long walk around the mall will leave me feeling like a mule kicked me in the shin.
So, it's looking like this will not be a year that I'll be doing any of the pig races. It sucks, but it's almost a relief. At least I know, and I don't have to worry about trying to force myself to recover enough to race and doing more damage. I sent an email asking if I can defer my entry until next year. I'm pretty frugal, especially considering how much money one can spend on running (who knew?? I always thought you bought some tennis shoes and took off!) and eating the entry fee is a little bit of adding insult to injury. Literally.
I asked my PT about doing a half on 5/21. He asked me to please drop the half marathon idea for now. :) I asked him about a sprint tri on 5/28. That one he could go along with. So, some tris and 5ks and 10ks this summer, and a fall marathon. Maybe I can find a half in fall, too, as I need to set a new half PR.
I'm still bummed, not gonna lie. I've only been working for this for a year now. I'm dealing better with the not running thing - actually, I'm scaring myself a little. I'm forgetting what it feels like to run. I've had the fleeting thought of what if I return to running and I absolutely hate it? Or maybe my mind has gone into "I don't miss running" mode to protect myself from dealing with it. I don't know....I just hope I still enjoy running and that I haven't lost so much fitness that I'm struggling to run and decide I can't deal with it anymore.
On the upside, I'm loving the biking. I rode 14 miles tonight (went to the gym for yoga, but went the long way and added the 5 mile airport loop) and had a great time, and worked every bit as hard as I work when I'm running. I passed tons of runners on the trail and didn't even feel remotely jealous of them. Actually, all I could think was, "Ha ha. Look how slow you are. I'm passing you!!" Yes, I realize that being on wheels is an unfair advantage....but still. I like to go fast. This is why I like biking, this is why I like running (not that I'm all that fast....but ya know)....and this is why I merely tolerate swimming. :)
I walked into PT this morning feeling quite frustrated, though, with the pain. It's not nearly as bad as it was, but at the end of a long day, I still hurt. How freaking long is this going to take to heal, anyway? At this point, returning to running is secondary. I just want to be able to walk wherever I want to walk without hurting. The good news is that there is progress. I have to look at it in a different way.....but I can balance much better. I'm asking the PT to add weights to the leg exercises. OK, so I'm a showoff with weights - but I ask them to legitimately, because the current weight is too easy and I can comfortably do more. And when he squeezes my shins to gauge how much pain I'm in (I'm serious, the man leaves bruises), I can shrug it off now rather than flinching. First time the doctor tried that on me, I yelped.
Speaking of, I see the doctor on Wednesday. My goal is to get through a visit with him without crying. Since I've pretty much accepted that there will be no Pig, unless he tells me I'm never running again, I should be good.
Oh yeah.....the other day, I was bumming pretty hard about not racing at all that weekend. It was the first time it hit me that we're really too close for me to get back to running and effectively train for anything. A good friend sent me a very sweet text encouraging me to keep my head up....and then "Time of Your Life" by Green Day came on the radio. I'm pretty much not a fan of that song, since it came out the year I graduated from high school and everyone turned into a sappy mess over it, but one line hit me. "So make the best of this test and don't ask why/It's not a question but a lesson learned in time."
Meet my new motto. I'm making the best of swimming, biking, and yoga, and tempting as it is, trying NOT to ask my leg why it hurts.