Couch-bound ramblings, blast from the past and a reminder for me

I. Am. Feeling. Like. Crap.

I can't tell for sure what it is, but I have some guesses, and when I have guesses, I figure that the answer is probably a little bit of every one of them.

Causes of feeling like crap:

• Drastic long run increase to 20 miles and my body wondering WTF I did/WTF I will try to make it do next

• All the kids are back to school swapping germs and now my immune system has to go to work again! Indeed, two of the clients/families I saw today mentioned feeling under the weather. I don't know if it was the power of suggestion or legit, but suddenly my lymph nodes feel puffy and my throat doesn't want to swallow effectively. (I'm very susceptible to suggestion btw. Supermarket displays and infomercials are made for people like me. I have a suspicion that I would make the best hypnotism subject ever.)
• Work has been kicking my butt. My schedule has been earlier this week than usual, with some late nights still in there. Lots of mental stress in general due to various things.
• I haven't been eating much since the 20 mile run, not even that day. Partially laziness, partially difficulty getting a lot of food in myself while I'm working all day (no lunch break and my office is my car), partially the fact that I'm a grazer anyway, but I think that style isn't letting me get enough in my system.

Probably just a bad combo. I fought and fought with myself tonight, but I decided to skip the biking group. I'm usually tailing them anyway, and I don't have the energy to do top speed tonight. Plus the weather is hot and muggy and icky again, just when I thought it was over. (In the 60s yesterday, perfect for jeans, a light sweater, and a pumpkin latte. Today: 90 and sticky. WTF, Ohio, WTF.)

Trying to listen to my body, not beat myself up about being tired. I just am. Maybe I don't need a good reason. Maybe I just need to stop for a minute and plant my butt on the couch tonight. I look back at a lot of my good runs and my fastest runs, and they were done after periods of rest and during periods of low mileage. I don't need to wear myself out to run well.

Anyway.....when I'm tired, I get neurotic. Way neurotic, to the point where the husband is well tuned-in and when I start getting irrational and bitchy and teary-eyed, he turns to me and says, "Just get some sleep already!" and I do. So I'm lying on the couch trying to be a good runner and take a rest day, and my brain starts going nuts with all its thoughts of how inadequate I am and how I wish I could run faster and how I haven't improved so much after all and I'm reading old blog entries trying to prove to myself that I have improved, I have I have I have, and then I find this one:


http://forslowkidseverywhere.blogspot.com/2010/11/run-girls-run.html

(Posted it in its own paragraph so it doesn't get lost amongst the ramblings.)

THAT is what this marathon is about. Not a goal time or pace. Not speed. Not anything else other than the fact that it wasn't all that long ago that running 26.2 miles seemed utterly ridiculous. Not something I would ever do, EVER. It was something that pro runners and people with freakish genetic structures would do. I didn't even think about it or lament about it - it was just a fact that I was not a marathon runner. Like something in an encyclopedia or on Jeopardy. "Not ever going to be capable of running 26.2 miles in one stretch." "Who is Kate, Alex?"

In less than three weeks, I will be doing it. I will be doing something that used to seem so much bigger than me. Somewhere along the line, amongst spending so much time associating with people who eat marathon medals for breakfast, I've completely forgotten that. I need to keep that awe and wonder and that spirit of fun and awesomeness and savor every second of it for what it is. Forget how many of those seconds there are. This is it. This is me achieving the impossible.

Also....I am STILL raising money for GOTR this time around!!! Fundraising page here!!

20 mile run recap!

First of all, the disclaimer is that I am not training the recommended way that one trains for a marathon. I increased the length of this long run by almost five miles from my longest run to date, since I skipped my 17-18 miler. I wish I coulda/woulda trained a little more, but at the same time, it may have done me in and caused another injury.

Anyway, yesterday was the long run - the 20. The most mentally grueling, dreaded, scary part of marathon training. I decided that 18 would be good enough, but I really wanted to hit that 20. To me, running 20 miles would be the ultimate test of whether I would really be able to complete a marathon without nearly killing myself in the process - something I've struggled with doubting for the last few weeks.

I went downtown to start the run, because I live uphill from everything, and there's just no way to do a 20 mile run solely in my suburb without doing multiple loops, and I hate loops. It's a total mental thing with me; I think, "I already ran this once, I'm not doing it again!!" So running 20 would mean leaving my neighborhood, and having to end the run with 2-3 miles of uphill to get back. Wasn't going there with a 20 mile run.

I passed the running spot group on my way downtown, running the same way I was about to run. It must've been the fast group, because they were all booking it. I saw Coach Joe and Coach Sarah and nobody else that I recognized. Yup - fast group! Parked the car, took a deep breath, and took off. At turtle pace. Go back and watch the Tosh.0 clip I posted. Slow Motion Girl - it was my goal to look like that. (Well, not necessarily in terms of gorgeousness, definitely not in terms of boob bounciness, but in terms of running speed!) It felt good and easy and while I felt slow (especially when there were a lot of FAST runners out that morning) it was easy to feel nice and relaxed. Plus, the weather was PERFECT.

I'll spare you all the details, but the highlights - it wasn't awful. It got harder as I went, but I kept the same 11 and change pace for the majority of the run. The main problem was boredom. That's just a long time to be doing anything, and I had nobody to talk to. The sun came up and got a bit hot. I found myself talking to bunnies along the trail without realizing it. At one point, I realized I was singing along with Pink and hadn't even noticed. My hydration/nutrition plan seemed to work great - sip of water at every mile, shot blok at every 3. I'm wondering if I wouldn't benefit from a little more nutrition - maybe add some gels, too, or gatorade instead of water - but I'm not sure if I was feeling tired from running or more from being bored!

13.1 miles in (2:28), I stopped at UDF to refill my water bottle and get some ice. I shoveled it into my bra in front of two somewhat amused men, one of whom warned me that I would probably go into shock. I would say post-13 was the most difficult part of the run. I slowed way down. The heat could've been partially to blame. At any rate, I kept telling myself to get to 3, get to 3, and then at 3 I wanted to be DONE. So I switched to a 5/1 Gallowalk. It helped a lot, although it got super annoying staring at my Garmin. Time was going sooo slowly. I finished my 18 mile route, got to my car, and almost almost almost decided to be done there....but I really wanted that 20. So I took a little bit of a break, switched out water bottles (I'd stashed a frozen one in my car - smart move, since it was thawed but nice and chilly!) and took off in the opposite direction through the downtown parks. My last two miles were actually easier than the previous two, even though my ipod died at 18.5. I was able to run a little faster and go a little longer between walk breaks. For the last half mile, I just kept repeating, "Get to 20, get to 20, get to 20!"

End result was that I didn't feel half bad. Sore and tired for sure, but better than last week after the half, which tells me that maybe I could've gone a little faster. I think that on race day, when I'm not all by my lonesome, I'll be better off mentally. Hopefully it'll be a little cooler. Plus, I'll walk at the water stops, and I think that'll conserve some energy - I was drinking while running and didn't actually take a walk break at all until 3 hours in.

At one point, I wanted to do a 4:30 marathon. I think I could, easily, if I had gotten more training in. This time, I'm primarily trying to finish, but I'd like to do it in under 5. My plan is to try to run with the 4:45 pace group for a while and re-evaluate around mile 20. I think that's doable, and that will give me some people to commiserate with. I'm also feeling better about my ability to do this. I was told (by one of the all-knowing advice-givers on the internet, of course) that I would probably re-evaluate doing a marathon after I attempted to run 20 miles. NOPE. I have no reason to - it felt pretty good. Physically, it felt better than I thought it would; mentally, it felt worse, but the mental part is easy to fix.

The plan after this is to get some new shoes, hopefully some that are better for my areas of injury proneness. I noticed recently that my current setup is overcorrecting my weakness - I usually roll my feet way in, but now, I'm actually running on the outside of my feet, and I don't think that's good either. I'd also like to be able to wean off the calf sleeves without hurting myself. All this is to be addressed post-marathon, as I'm not changing a single thing beforehand!!

Come January, I think I'll try training with the Pig group again. Hopefully as long as I keep running during the fall, I'll be in a good place to step up the run frequency and mileage. My speed improved a lot last time I ran with them; I may go for a slower improvement this next time, but I should be able to really PR when I do the Pig in May. This time, I'm just setting up my time to beat!!

How normal people view marathons

This clip is HILARIOUS. Ignore the first 30 seconds. They're not funny and it's pretty a-hole-ish to laugh at the clip. But Daniel Tosh's monologue about marathons is pretty freaking funny. And then the treadmill marathon is pretty much genius.

http://www.runningisfunny.com/2011/07/21/daniel-tosh-takes-on-the-marathon/

Question of the day

Why are people on running/athlete forums such assholes when you ask for advice??? Third time this has happened to me, third forum, third training-related question I've asked. I know, fool me once, shame on you...blah blah. I guess I'm done asking anyone in the online running community for advice. EVER.

Seriously....all I wanted to know was how to plan my remaining long runs/taper. And responses I got included "FAIL." "You're (sic) marathon is going to suck." <---to which I replied with equal snark that my marathon would not suck worse than her English skills, and that I am not, in fact, a marathon. Umm...someone said that I have low pain tolerance (HAHAHA and WTF)...basically a lot of unhelpfulness.

Asshole runners can suck it. OVER IT.

Little Miami Half Marathon - race recap

First of all, I really really really thought I'd have to let this one go. In the days following last week's 5k, I HURT. For a couple of days, it hurt to walk. It hurt when I woke up in the morning. I was rolling my left foot to the outside so it didn't hurt. It HURT to go down stairs. I vented on an online forum and was basically told to hang up my marathon dreams for a while. (That forum will remain nameless. Things got a bit dramatic, and I will say, I responded rather bitchily at times myself, so I'm not blameless.)

Needless to say, this past week I've pretty much been a wreck. I bawled my eyes out during my swimming workout Monday. Note: I do not recommend this. While nobody can tell you're crying in the pool, it gets really freaking hard to breathe in there. I biked 20 miles each on Tuesday and Wednesday and that saved my sanity a little. Thursday I worked a 12 hour day so I skipped the workout. Friday I talked my husband into walking a few miles with me. I could walk on the leg, but I was still very aware of it. Arrgh.

So Saturday, I went to the after-hours clinic at my doc's office. I was pretty sure I was going to be told NOT to run today (yeah, and you saw the title so you know better!) BUT things had been getting better. It had stopped hurting so much and had downgraded to the occasional twinge, but I had a lot of pinpoint pain, which scared the crap out of me. Pinpoint pain is not good news for a runner. Then, that morning, I was on the couch messing with it, and I realized something. I made my husband check to make sure I wasn't dreaming. "Right there, hon! Right there is where it hurts, and that is NOT WHERE THE BONE IS. That's between the bones! That's not a bone! What is that?? A ligament or something??"

My husband loves it when I drag him into crazytown with me. But seriously, that was the first time that I realized that maybe I was not making a return visit to stress fracture land.

So, the doc's office!! Yeah, he said it did not at all look to him to be anything bone related or anything that starts with the word "stress". He said I strained the...err....ligament? tendon? He told me what it was called and I know I should pay better attention....but honestly, he gave me the good news first and I was downright giddy and couldn't process everything. "So, I'm umm....training for a marathon. It's in four weeks." "Go back to training. Just be careful. Ease your way back in. Good luck." "Err, umm, I'm signed up for a half marathon tomorrow. I was just going to treat it like a training run, I swear. I'm going to run it easy. I'm slow." "OK. Just walk if it hurts." I asked him if I was doing any sort of damage by running on it, and he said no!!!

I celebrated by spending the rest of the day shopping (including getting new running shorts!) and carb-loading for dinner.

Got up early this morning. Husband decided yesterday to run the 10k - his first 10k ever! His first words this morning were, "Running sucks!!!" I was still way nervous about the leg, but I had looked up how to KT tape a calf strain, and I must say, I did a bang-up job. It looked professionally taped. I wish I could've showed it off more, but there's no way I was running without the calf sleeves today. Rode with my running buddy Jene and got there early enough for packet pickup. I had made myself a cup of coffee to go, which I had sipped on my way to the race. The point of the pre-race coffee is twofold - the caffeine boost, obviously, and to clear out the ol' colon. I've learned the hard way what happens when I run with an unclear colon, let's just say.

We were in line for packet pickup when the coffee kicked in, and not the caffeine boost part. And by the time we got out of line, before you could say "runner's trots", the porta potty lines were HUGE. Jene, Mark (that's husband - he does have a name) and I joked as we waited in line, but the jokes got a little more serious as I began to question for real whether I would make it to the potty in time. I did!! They delayed the race start due to the potty crisis, and we got there just a few minutes before the start.

We were off! My shin didn't hurt!! Actually, it felt great. It felt downright sproingy. I regretted not taping my other leg too. I had a HARD time not trying to keep up with everyone, especially my running buddy. I felt like I could run with her; I also knew that she was gunning for a sub-2:00 that totally was not in my power. Although at the beginning of that race, I felt like EVERYTHING was in my power.

I ran my first mile in 9:39. My first thought was, "yay!! fast!!" My second thought was, "That was my average 5k pace last weekend. Not back in the day. LAST WEEKEND. I probably need to slow the eff down." The problem was that I felt really good. I didn't want to slow down. My pace felt comfy and my attempts to slow down led to my second mile still being a 9:50 - still too fast. I decided not to care and just run at the pace that felt good. I ended up running right behind this guy for a while, and I told him I wasn't stalking him, I just liked his pace. But then he slowed down to a 10:30 and I ran around him.

I actually felt unhappy when my pace dropped into the 10's. I had to mentally shake myself quite a bit. TEN SOMETHING IS YOUR LONG RUN PACE, IDIOT!! THIS IS A LONG RUN!! It was still faster than I had thought I could run so comfortably. I gave myself permission to slow down because I still had a long way to go. I did - 10:08, 10:16, 10:21, 10:21. The 10:08 was still fast, considering I walked at a water stop at that mile. They had Heed. I decided to try it. That stuff is straight up nasty. I took a swig, spit it out, and backtracked for the WATER. Just after mile 6, I saw Jene on the way back. I meant to yell something encouraging like, "Go, Jene! You can do it, running buddy!" But I was feeling a little disoriented (another sign I was going too fast) and instead, I threw my hands up in the air and yelled, "woo!"

Got to the water stop at the turnaround. I recognized that I was starting to fade and asked them for a gel. Again, it was nasty. It was raspberry and gritty and left a feeling in my mouth like a fluoride treatment at the dentist. 10:36. I had a goal of doing a 10:30 pace overall and I was way ahead of that. I tried to predict my finishing time. I watched the runners headed in the opposite direction for the turnaround, and saw someone that I kinda thought looked like my blogging/daily mile buddy Christina - and she gave me a big smile and wave and said my name. Yay! We met in person! Sort of!! I was pretty jazzed. I looked down and saw that I was running an 8 something. WTF. Although by that point I had realized that the trees seemed to be screwing with my garmin, which was varying by up to a minute either way while my pace still felt the same. I think it was evening out because the distance was right, but I decided not to trust what it said for my pace at any given moment. That mile: 10:20.

And THERE was the wall. I hit it hard. My right quad locked up. It hurt. Not injury hurt, just felt tight and tired. Then the other quad joined it. Then my current injury spot tightened up. I looked down: 8.5 miles down. NOT the time for this. I was bored. The slight rain had let up and the sun was trying to break through the trees and fry me.

Basically, the rest of the race was a lot of me playing mental tricks with myself - counting songs, counting minutes, trying to get to a certain time or mile marker. It was the point in the race where time magically slows way down, so you feel like you've been running for 10 minutes and it was only 1. My walk breaks at the water stops got a little longer as it took more effort to make my legs keep running. They didn't want to. I made them. I watched my pace slow way down and decided to abandon any monitoring of my pace just to finish. I got to the last two miles and tried my best to enjoy them as a nice, easy run. THIS IS FUN, I tried to tell myself. This is fun this is fun this is fun this is fun. No, it's boring and it hurts and I want to walk. BUT THIS IS FUN.

My last three miles were 11+. The two before that were in the 10:50's. That's the part of the race that perturbs me - not that I slowed down for those 5 miles, because I was giving it all I had. Where I screwed myself was in those first few miles. I had no choice but to gradually slow down from there. I would've been happier, and not had to deal with a 5 mile strugglefest, had I gone slowly. Lesson learned: don't start out comfy. Comfy won't stay comfy for long. Start out S L O W. I want the marathon to be fun, and it won't be fun if I repeat this performance - I would've had 13 more miles of thisisfunthisisfunthisisfun.

I was passed by a few people toward the end - people who, I know, ran smarter than I did (a few that I had passed earlier on!) but largely, I had the last half of the race to myself. Just me and the orange shirt guy up ahead of me that I was following.

Anyway, I got to the finish line and this chick came out of NOWHERE and flew by me. I tried to catch her but she was absolutely flying. (My .1 was at a 9:09 pace and it felt ridiculously fast!) I knew, though, that I got my sub-2:20. I had been telling myself that for a while, and that was what kept me going. I kind of wanted to run the whole thing at a 10:30 pace, but in the end, my average pace was 10:34, and that is totally close enough.

Best news: shin/calf/ankle is FINE. It's still owie when I push on the owie spot, but it held up better than I expected during and after the race. I'm SO relieved. A little worried for the 26.2 because of the struggle today, but...I haven't ran in a week. I only logged 8 miles the week before that. (This is due to owies, not laziness!!) I totally feel like my cardio endurance is there, but my legs gave up on me. Hopefully in the next four weeks I can get them re-used to running. And I can slow down for the 26.2. And I should!!

I went home to an ice bath. I used to think ice bath people were crazy, but it feels SO GOOD and it loosened up the quads a bit. I forsee lots of stretching in my future!!

Unofficial time: 2:18. PR by 17ish minutes. I'm happy with that.

more cuteness

Huz and I after the Newtown 5k. You can see part of my much-loved Fit to Fight shirt. I'm rockin' the sweatband because I wasn't feeling like a hat or visor (it was overcast when we left the house, I regretted that a little when the sun came out) but there is still nothing worse than sweat dripping into a contact lens. Ow. We're both holding beers. (You can't see mine.) It was 10 AM. This is why I love the Newtown 5k. Also, he loves those sunglasses and he totally ran in them.

he loves me

My husband got me two of the cutest bike jerseys ever for my birthday. Here's one. (I chopped off part of my head, but that's ok, 'cuz I had sweaty helmet hair anyway!)