An update

Wow....I didn't realize people actually read this blog, but I got a comment on my last entry, so at least one person reads this and wanted an update. :) So here ya go!

I haven't updated this lately because I haven't had a lot to say. I haven't been doing a lot. I've been Grumpy McIrritablepants. I still can't run. I attempted over the weekend and it was a pretty ridiculous effort - four very hobby quarter mile repeats at a slow slow pace. I've been trying to cross train but I've been slacking a bit on that, too. For a couple of weeks, my knee hurt to do ANYTHING - cycle, swim, anything but, oddly enough, the stairmaster. Umm, that thing kicks my butt.

Ultrasound, electro-stim, and ART treatments have pretty much taken care of the knee problem. In its wake, the calf is still mad as hell and not going to take it anymore. I went to the ortho yesterday because, man, it's been over 4 weeks. I was starting to worry that it was more serious than I thought. The good news is that it's not. It's still a calf strain, but a pretty hardcore one, and it's right at the top of the muscle where it meets the knee, so it's in a crappy place. It's healing much, much differently than the last one did. Basically, according to the doc, it's got my whole leg shut down so it can protect itself and heal. The result isn't so much pain as it is weakness. My leg feels so weak and unstable. I've tested it on weight machines at the gym - my left leg currently has half as much strength as my right. It doesn't HURT, it's more like things just don't compute, if that makes sense.

It does seem to be healing, but so so so slowly. I can walk a lot more than I did, and I can swim and do easy cycling. I still walk a little like Bambi on ice at times. As for the Pig, I do have the doc's permission to ambulate through it however I choose without making things too much worse. I still don't know what I'm going to do, and I probably won't decide until the absolute last minute. I'm very, very bummed about it, but a spirit of acceptance is starting to take over, and I suppose it will be in full force after the race is over and Pig-mania leaves Cincy. What's helping is knowing that this is the year of the Ironman. It doesn't sting as much as last year when I had to put off my first ever marathon. I have an even bigger goal that I'm looking at - two, really, if you count the half IM in July. And the heart half marathon was not only a 9 minute PR, but hands down the most solid race I've ever done, EVER. I still have that. That's my spring 2012 victory.

I'm trying to motivate myself out of the funk I've been in. When this injury kicked in, I slid waaay down. I'm going back to eating healthier again, and eating regularly (when I'm in a funk, I have a tendency to barely eat, and then when I do it's crap) training regularly (even if it's not running, I'm going to try to get back to the number of hours I was doing IM training and sub something else for the running), and I'm joining a Masters swim group THIS WEEK. I've been so bored with swimming lately and I can't tell if it's genuine or just a product of the grey "no running" cloud hanging over my head. Regardless, I think I've gotten as much as I can get out of swimming solo and now it's time for a coach, and other people, to kick my butt in the pool.

I'm never as happy when I'm not running as I am when I'm running - and not necessarily while I'm actually running, but when I have running in my life, it affects my brain so so so much. Remember, I was on anti-depressants and anti-anxiety meds before I discovered running. I can slip back into that so easily (which is why I've now seen SIX health professionals for one injury - obsessive much?) and I need to regain control again. I have next week off from work - it was going to be my Pig recovery week, but it's also my week to tackle a growing list of house projects.  It will also be a chance to refocus my training and clear my head. Meanwhile, I have been so inefficient and fuzzy-headed that I am insanely far behind on work paperwork and trying to catch up by the end of this week. This Friday, I will be locking myself in my office until that's done!!

My husband should be a candidate for sainthood after everything I've put him through this past month. If he thought my hours and hours of training were bad, it's nothing compared to dealing with being around me when I'm NOT training. I have been a HOT MESS.

But I'm gonna reclaim my sanity. Then I'm gonna reclaim my calf muscle and then I'm gonna reclaim my running and then I'm gonna CLAIM my 70.3 and my 140.6. I promise.